One of the greatest challenges in loving others is to forgive them when they have wronged us and caused us pain. Every time we are wronged, we have to choose how we are going to deal with the hurt. Ultimately, we have to decide if we will forgive the person or persons who have wronged us, or if we will hold on to the hurt. If we hold on to the hurt, it will keep us from loving them. It will keep us angry and upset with them.
Unresolved hurts that are not forgiven continue to cause pain. We don’t want the one who wronged us to get away with it. We want them to be punished and our anger toward them is oftentimes the only way we know how to make what is wrong seem right or fair. The problem is it rarely makes things better. It only deepens our hurt and frustration and eventually turns to bitterness.
Forgiveness sets us free to love again. When we decide to forgive, we let go of the attitude that “You owe me.” Our anger fades. Bitterness doesn’t have the opportunity to take root. We do not use what happened against anyone. Resentment gives way to acceptance of another’s flaws. We no longer feel a need to retaliate.
When we forgive, we do not always have to understand why we were wronged. Nor do we have to wait for an apology in order to forgive. Forgiveness does not justify or make the other person right. What it does is make you free. Forgiveness frees you to say, “I will not use this against you or keep a record of how you have wronged me. I will release you of any punishment I think is due. I will no longer hold on to anger and resentment toward you. I will release it from my heart. I will make allowances for your flaws and give you grace. I will forgive you unconditionally.”
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful demonstrations of genuine love. It has the power to mend broken hearts and set captives free. It has the power to bring healing and restoration to relationships. It is the ultimate expression of grace. It is something we grant others even when they do not deserve it, knowing that we ourselves have been recipients of forgiveness countless times. As long as we are imperfect, we will be in need of forgiveness.
Why is forgiveness important to our love life?
What do I do with the hurt when someone wrongs me? Do I retaliate? Nurse the hurt? Release it? Work through it?
How often do I bring up past issues that were never resolved?
What makes forgiving someone who wronged me most difficult?
Did I ever want to be forgiven for something I said or did and wasn’t? How did it affect me?
Do I expect others to forgive me when I hurt them? Why or why not?
