Although similar in many ways, jealousy and envy are not the same. Deep insecurities often lie at the root of jealousy. When someone is jealous they are afraid of losing something. They try to guard and protect what they fear losing. In doing so, they may become very possessive, competitive, and resentful. For example, they might be jealous of someone they fear can steal their boyfriend’s heart away from them; someone who got the promotion they worked hard for; or the person who got the praise and adoration they felt they deserved.
Jealousy can be fear of losing any of the following:
Love immediately challenges me to break the fixation I have with myself. ~John Powell, S.J.
Comparing ourselves with others often causes us to feel superior or inferior to them.
self-respect and respect of others
love and affection
a cherished relationship
position or promotion
a desired opportunity
a valued material possession
attention and admiration
confidence and self-worth
Envy also includes feelings of resentment, but it is rooted in discontent rather than fear. Feelings of dissatisfaction can cause a person to become envious of those who have what they believe they need to satisfy or fulfill them. So they desire the possessions or qualities of another. It could be their appearance, popularity, job, home, reputation, lifestyle, health, experience, and so forth. Just as with jealousy, the envy they experience can cause them to become angry and bitter.
Jealousy can turn into envy and envy can turn into jealousy. Both can be experienced together, and both are potentially destructive. They can ruin relationships and aspirations and make you miserable. They can keep you from trusting others and feeling secure about yourself. They can prevent you from being happy for someone when they get ahead or succeed. Jealousy and envy are common experiences known to all people. Even the most loving people are jealous or envious sometimes. But they do not have to rob you of love in your life. Security can replace the fear that fuels jealousy, and contentment can replace the discontent that stirs envy.
What am I most afraid of losing? How have I tried to guard it?
In what area(s) of my life do I feel dissatisfied?
What types of qualities in others do I wish I had?
Recall a time when jealousy or envy has caused you to resent someone. How did you resolve your feelings?
How do I feel when others succeed and get ahead?
How has jealousy and envy kept me from loving others?
When do I feel most content with my life?
When do I feel most secure in myself?
I can appreciate individual differences and be thankful for what I have.
